Peace of Mind
by Tobu Ishi
Summary: Alone in the night, Kairi's nightmares start to crowd in on her, so she goes to the one place that drives them off, to have a one-sided talk with an old friend...


***Peace of Mind***  
A Kingdom Hearts one-shot by Tobu Ishi  
  
*  
  
I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Naturally.  
  
  
)'(*)'(*)'(*)'(*)'(*)'(  
  
  
Last night, I dreamt that you stood in front of me, close enough to touch, but when I looked in your eyes there was only darkness. I whispered your name, and you vanished into thin air as the earth devoured me.  
  
The night before that, I dreamt that I was back in Hollow Bastion, with a thousand Heartless milling around me. Riku walked among them, striking them down one by one. I ran from one to the other, trying to find which one was you, but I couldn't...and then I realized, they were all gone, and I was alone.  
  
You see why I couldn't sleep tonight.  
  
I waited for the first stars to grow bright, then lit a candle and wrapped my blanket around me, as I climbed out the window...  
  
But you know the drill by now. I suppose it seems silly, but this cave is the only place I feel close to you. Sitting here in the heart of the island, I can look around me and remember the times I spent here, before.  
  
It's funny, how a little word like 'before' can gain so much significance, afterward.  
  
The candle is flickering, so I might as well blow it out. The drawings in here glow with their own radiance--it's not like I need the light. Besides, the light is what you're busy searching for. Not me.  
  
Not me...  
  
Oh, just look at me. I can't keep doing this...it only makes it worse. Here, see, I stopped already. I'm getting better. Remember the first time I came here, after everything was over and I was home? I cried so long that I thought my eyes would never stop aching. They did, of course, as soon as I splashed some water on them and smiled once or twice.  
  
I wish it was as easy to wash away the ache inside of me. I still have a ways to go, where that one's concerned.  
  
Great. My blanket's getting all wet. I really am going to stop now...  
  
Where are you, anyway? I know you're fine, wherever you are. You're good at adventures, and that kind of thing. You're probably making all sorts of new friends, as usual. Who would have thought you'd be such a natural leader, away from the island? Not to mention the wielder of the Keyblade, and the savior of just about everything that exists. It's amazing, you know...  
  
Call me selfish, but I'd rather have you still be plain old Sora, and sitting here next to me, laughing over these silly old drawings instead of crying over them.  
  
And talking to them. I must look so dumb. Oh, no, now I have the hiccups. This is just not my day...or night, I guess.  
  
I ought to get to sleep, but it's so hard, with all the memories seeping out of the darkness around me.  
  
I wish I hadn't blown out the candle. It's so dark...  
  
With all the adventures you're probably having, do you even have time to remember me?  
  
What do I remember?  
  
Well...I remember the way you and Riku used to fight all the time. Nice, brother-y sort of fights, not the horrible ones you had later.  
  
And the times we spent sitting on the pier, imagining the world past that beautiful sunset, back before we knew how terrifying it could be.  
  
I remember the day we all three tried to fit into the same boat and paddle out to bother Wakka and Tidus, when they were on one of their marathon swims...we ended up giggling so hard we turned the boat over, and then we let the tide carry us back to shore, where we slept in the sun until our clothes were dry.  
  
I remember the look in your eyes whenever you saw a new challenge to sink your teeth into, all bright with boyish enthusiasm.  
  
And I especially remember the time Riku beat you at racing, when you were arguing over who would name our raft. I remember how you kicked the sand in frustration, and glared at him when he teased you. I remember how I went back to check on the raft. And then, I remember how I heard the shushing of feet on sand and saw you run past, so intent on your practicing that you didn't even see me standing there. You kept running, kept practicing, until you knew every bit of that course better than you ever had before. And then you went back, and beat Riku three times in a row, in return for the one time he beat you. You looked so funny, all puffed up like a peacock with pride, but your sunny grin was brighter than ever, and your eyes were ocean-blue in the sunlight...  
  
Riku didn't know, and neither did you, but I'd already named that raft a long time ago. In my own mind, it was the 'Paopu', after the fruit that I'd planned to share with you before we left, so that you would never be taken away, no matter how far we travelled.  
  
It's funny how things don't always work out like you expect them to.  
  
The best I could do, now, was to draw that paopu I wanted to share. I hope you understand how much I meant by that, if you ever see it. No, when you see it. You promised you'd find me, and I'm holding you to that promise.  
  
No matter how long it takes, I know you'll find me.  
  
You were always like that, so determined to win, so upset when you lost, and so desperate to make up for your losses ten times over. It was one of the best things about you. I hope you haven't lost that fire since I last saw you.  
  
I hope I'll see you again, soon, and bring it back if it's gotten dim.  
  
For now, I'm feeling better, just like I always do. I don't suppose it would hurt to sleep out here, do you? You'd laugh so hard, to see me picking up your bad habits, taking naps in the weirdest places. I guess I'm the lazy bum now, huh?  
  
One of these days, I'm going to get off this island and find you again, and then I can go on adventures with you, instead of wandering alone. Or maybe you'll find me first, and take me with you. I don't mind which way it turns out, really. I mostly mind that it hasn't happened yet.  
  
Until then, I can still trail my fingertips across the lines scratched on these walls, and know that your hands lingered there. I can wrap my blanket around me and imagine it's your arms, though it's no substitute at all. I can set my back against the wall, with our drawing above me like two shooting stars, guarding me through the night. It's not happiness, but it's close enough. Maybe it's more like peace of mind, knowing you're out there on a star somewhere, remembering me.  
  
The loneliness isn't as bad anymore. I think I can sleep all right now. The cave's a little cold, but not enough to matter.  
  
G'night, Sora, wherever you are.  
  
Maybe, this time, I'll dream of your smile.  
  
  
)'(*)'(*)'(*)'(*)'(*)'(  
  
  
AN- Wow. I stayed up until 4 am writing this, so if you were as gently turned inside-out as I was by this odd little fic, please review and make it all worthwhile. ^.^* Thanks. -Tobu Ishi 


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